I really am not a total slacker. I am blogging at one PM on a tuesday but that is only because my 12 o'clock appointment stood me up. And to be completely honest the damn internet sucks up a lot of my time. It goes like this.... laundry eh... dishes eh...clean the shoppe..eh... go online and look at pinterest, facebook, or shop on amazon Hell to the YES and time sneaks right on by!
Oh I left out Youtube videos, rotten e-cards and damnyouautocorrect.com all highly recommended by yours truly.
So the title today is because when I was saddled up on the back of my mom's four wheeler yesterday chewing her ear off for two hours while we hit the open road with Dad and Nolan, I told her my next blog was going to be about all the silly shenanigans I have preformed at gas stations. I'm doing better but in my younger days gas stations made me nervous. Sometimes guys come into the beauty shoppe and get a little nervous. They see the pink ceiling, the pink polka dot phone, they wait patiently to get their hair-cut on a pink chair flipping through avon catalogs or glamour. They have this look of fear on their faces and I think their next thought of worry is "how am I going to get out of here without getting glitter on myself". Poor bastards.
Places that make me feel out of my element are mechanic shops, Menards and gas stations. I have this needling fear that something dumb is going to spew out of my mouth or I will knock something over, trip, my fly will be down and I will unknowingly have something stuck in my teeth.
When pondering some of my rather famous gas station mishaps I would have to say one of the very first ones was shortly after my 16th birthday. Jerry owned a tiny gas station in Rutledge and he believed in full service especially for the ladies. I came slidin' in in my dad's 1993ish extended cab Nissan truck complete with the full topper which had carpet and curtains. It either looked like I was driving a baby blue hearse or was an aspiring child predator. Jerry comes out says his hellos, asks me how much money I'm tossing into the tank and gets to work. I am casually sitting in the driver's seat trying to look cool in case someone I know goes by and spots me chatting with my former bus driver who is pumping my gas. Midway through our discussion of god only knows what the Nissan started rolling away. M.S. BONEHEAD never put the GD thing in park. I was relaxed and lifted my foot off the brake and nearly ran poor Jerry down.
In the following years I did the following at gas stations.....
1. was reaching to the passenger side floor for my purse and honked the horn with my boob.
2. came out the building at hot-limit speed and slipped on a patch of ice ending in a comic book fall that I noticed other patrons averting there eyes for a good chuckle.
3. Attempted to tip a full service pump dude with zero success. He said if he took it he could get fired! What?!
4. This one is really ridiculous: While huddled up in the sandstone gas station car wash in my Pink Ford Probe (sports car if you will) in the dead of winter I went to leave and there was a massive ridge of ice that I simply couldn't hurdle. My wheels would just spin and spin and spin. Consumed with fear that I might have to spend my whole night stuck in the car wash and miss out on a fabulous college keg party. I did what any girl in a Pink Panther would do.... I backed that sucker up all the way to the very back of the car wash put it in first gear and came catapulting out of that car wash like I was in an episode of the Dukes of Hazard. There was a trucker gassing up at the diesel pump nearby who nearly fainted when I came shooting out of there. Nailed it.
5. when I tell you this one you absolutely can not judge me. It was a blond moment to beat all blond moments and I was a brunette at the time. I actually pulled up to what I thought was a car wash door and waited and waited and waited then feeling frustrated piled out of my car to see what the situation at hand really was. Only to come to the realization that it wasn't a car wash at all it was indeed just someone's garage who lived directly next to the gas station. I probably should have introduced myself and opened their minds to a pretty sweet business opportunity but I didn't have time. I needed to get home stat and waste hours on-line.
What it really boils down to is this... should I really be driving.. ha ha no just kidding. Anytime we are out of our comfort zone weird shit is bound to occur. Especially to me.
Not even kidding.
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